student sample responses ( page 9-15)
Scoring guide and examples for 2005 Onion article
9 Essays earning a score of 9 meet the criteria for a score of 8 and, in addition, are especially sophisticated in their argument, thorough in their development or impressive in their control of language.
8 Effective Essays earning a score of 8 effectively analyze the strategies used in the article to satirize how products are marketed to consumers. They develop their analysis with evidence and explanations that are appropriate and convincing, referring to the passage explicitly or implicitly. The prose demonstrates a consistent ability to control a wide range of the elements of effective writing but is not necessarily flawless.
7 Essays earning a score of 7 meet the criteria for a score of 6 but provide more complete analysis, or demonstrate a more mature prose style.
6 Adequate
Essays earning a score of 6 adequately analyze the strategies used in the article to satirize how products are marketed to consumers. They develop their analysis with evidence and explanations that are appropriate and sufficient, referring to the passage explicitly or implicitly. The writing may contain lapses in diction or syntax, but generally the prose is clear.
5 Essays earning a score of 5 analyze the strategies used in the article to satirize how products are marketed to consumers. The evidence or explanations used may be uneven, inconsistent or limited.
The writing may contain lapses in diction or syntax, but it usually conveys the student’s ideas.
4 Inadequate Essays earning a score of 4 inadequately analyze the strategies used in the article to satirize how products are marketed to consumers. These essays may misunderstand the passage, misrepresent the strategies Banneker uses or analyze these strategies inaccurately. The evidence or explanations used may be inappropriate, insufficient or less convincing. The prose generally conveys the student’s ideas but may be less consistent in controlling the elements of effective writing.
3 Essays earning a score of 3 meet the criteria for a score of 4 but demonstrate less success in analyzing Banneker’s use of rhetorical strategies to argue against slavery. They are less perceptive in their understanding of the passage or Banneker’s strategies, or the explanation or examples may be particularly limited or simplistic. The essays may show less maturity in control of writing.
2 Little Success Essays earning a score of 2 demonstrate little success in analyzing how
Banneker uses rhetorical strategies to argue against slavery. These essays may misunderstand the prompt, misread the passage, fail to analyze the strategies Banneker uses, or substitute a simpler task by responding to the prompt tangentially with unrelated, inaccurate or inappropriate explanation. The prose often demonstrates consistent weaknesses in writing, such as grammatical problems, a lack of development or organization, or a lack of control.
1 Essays earning a score of 1 meet the criteria for a score of 2 but are undeveloped, especially simplistic in their explanation or weak in their control of language.
0 Indicates an on-topic response that receives no credit, such as one that merely repeats the prompt.
Example Onion ESSAYS
2B
While the article from The Onion announcing new Magna Soles certainly seems to be simply explaining the new product out on the market, it actually pokes fun at the techniques marketers use to sell their products. Through its subtle jokes and humorous quotes from users of the product, the article effectively satirizes the way in which products are presented to customers.
This article uses tiny jokes throughout the piece that just barely catch the reader’s eyes. Halfway into the article, the author declares that “Magna Soles go several steps further than other insoles,” creating a pun with the actual purpose of the product. It also calls a report on Magna Soles “scientific sounding literature,” jesting at the “semi-plausible medical technique” of reflexology. These very subtly hidden puns give the entire piece a lighthearted and satirical tone that causes the reader to chuckle at how ridiculous the whole thing is.
The piece also uses a direct quote from a user of Magna Soles who pokes fun at the fact that doctors use a lot of fancy- sounding names to make consumers believe that what they’re buying is very high-tech, so it must work. The quote comes from someone with back pain who describes the product as being “clearly endorsed by an intelligent looking man in a white lab coat.” In the very first paragraph of the article the author explains how Magna Soles used “no fewer than five forms of pseudoscience” to satirize how the doctors or scientists always exaggerate the quality of a product by claiming that it’s innovative with the amount of technology used.
The article also discusses Terrenometry, discovered by Dr. Wayne Frankel. The article shows the absurdity of Terrenometry when Dr. Frankel (who also created kilofrankels, the Earth’s vibrational rates) claims “if the frequency of one’s foot is out of alignment with the Earth, the entire body will suffer.”
The article from The Onion satirizes a new product called Magna Soles by claiming that doctors use impressive sounding techniques to make consumers by the product, inserting a funny quote from a user in pointing out the absurdity of some advancements. Through all of these techniques, the article creates a funny and witty portrayal of marketing techniques.
2C
With the use of criticism, this press release is used to satirize how advertisement is degrading to Americans. By using obvious fictional facts, and somewhat surprisingly thorough persuasive writing skills, this article is humorous and completely irrelevant. However, with the correct use of persuasive writing techniques and mixed with irrelevant and unrealistic factual information, the authors create a humorous satirical scene.
Advertising is completely dependent on one’s persuasive skills. In this piece of writing techniques such as factual information is provided to make the audience more impressed by the products. Although the information is unrelated and obviously fictional, it is used in the correct context. This is how it is made satirical. The definition of satire can be defined as a story or piece of literature that is simply making fun, or criticizing the subject or matter. This press release is criticizing the world of advertising.
In addition to the use of factual information, personal interviews make the publication more persuasive. Dr. Arthur Bluni not only gives additional factual information, but also, his personal opinion. The “chronic back pain sufferers” gives his personal opinion, therefore adding more reason to purchase the phony product.
Last, the most obvious technique used by the authors can be defined as overexaggeration. This article contains an immense amount of over-exaggeration. With the excessive amount of fictional information as well as the unbelievable personal interviews, the audience can safely infer that this is a satirical piece of writing. It was written to criticize the world of advertising.
By making fun of an everyday advertisement with the use of persuasive writing techniques, the writers create a thorough and obvious satirical piece of literature factual information, personal interviews (phony of course), and major over exaggeration or what mold release in order to make its satirical.
2A
Clever Coercion
In the face of a rising consumer culture and a subsequent fall of common sense, The Onion uses a satirical tone to draw attention to the public’s gullibility and the advertising industry’s power.
Through subtle, tongue in cheek humor, it mocks the seductive diction of real advertisements. The article first asserts that through “no fewer than five forms of pseudoscience,” the sole inserts will “stimulate and soothe.” This plays on the ever popular more-is-better mindset of the consumer public. “Where one solution may be good, five must even be better” is the ringing cry of an almost greedy consumer. The Onion makes light of the post-World War II baby boomer “more is more” sentiment that often clouds and disguise human judgment. Also, the alliteration of the words “stimulate and soothe” promote a sense of false well-being. Further on in the article, The Onion draws attention to another common misconception: the idea that all things eastern are healthy and wise to do. By replacing “Orient” with “practice in the Occident, the article subtly and humorously underscores this fallacy.
The satirical tone continues as the article proceeds to create problems where there were none and propose that magnetic foot soles are the ultimate solution to this plethora of problems. The Magna Soles’s promise to “restore at the foot natural bio flow,” implying a problem with human bio mechanics. By using mocking buzzwords such as vital flow, they create a false sense of professionalism, though clearly there is nothing wrong with the population’s ambulation. It then suggests hilarious and absurd problems with the consumer, such as one’s feet being out of frequency with that of the Earth, causing “the entire body to suffer.” Such humorous assertions cause the audience to step back and re-examine the problems one truly faces and what can actually be done about them. Conversion of one’s own bio-energy “which is most closely resembled by D E in the Gibbs free energy equation) can realistically never be achieved, and thus it is certainly not a legitimate health problem. Here, nuclei become “pain nuclei,” neutrons into “comfortrons” poking fun of such silly names as “hydra-smooth” on wrinkle creams and other marketing ploys. The Onion even comes up with its own version of scientific diction, mocking that of real advertisements.
Beyond this satirical diction, the article then ventures into the rhelm of absurdity, promising the impossible and giving case examples of misled, but believing patients. The Magna Soles will supposedly “utilize the healing power of crystals to re-stimulate dead foot cells” in the ultimate fix of humor: promising to raise the dead. Using this age-old hallmark of quackery, The Onion dispels real ad’s claims of rejuvenation and new life. The article closes with two quotes from users who have used the soles as an “alternative to expensive, effective forms of traditional medicine.” This excerpt in and of itself is a warning to consumers about the appeal of ads and how they may lure you away from true, researched treatment. A Jeff DeAngelis proclaims they “really seem like they are working” after rejecting spine realignment through physical therapy. This apparent gullibility is a cryptic warning by The Onion to stop consumers from making foolish and even harmful choices based on smooth advertising.